"Grandpa, have you ever killed anyone?"
"Hundreds of people!"
"No grandpa, I'm serious!"
"Now you stop worrying about such things and go to sleep. You've got your water right there and—”
"I'm not worried! I just want to know."
"Why would you want to know about that?"
"It's not to show off to my friends or something. I just want to know... to know."
"Little girls these days, asking about killings and murderings. What's the world coming to?"
"Please Grandpa?"
"Eh..."
"You're my grandpa! You have to do what I say!"
"Alright. I don't know why I'm doing this. You'd better not tell anyone else about it though."
"Why not?
"Or else I'll kill ya, that's what I'll do."
"So what's the story?"
"Excitable little sprout, aren’t ya? Just like your mother. Alright here we go."
"Was it with a gun? Did you shoot 'em?"
"Are you interrupting already?"
"Sorry."
"Once upon a time, a long time ago—"
"No Grandpa, don't start it that way."
"What's wrong with 'once upon a time?' It's a classic."
"Yeah, for stories! This is real life."
"Ah. Okay, as you wish. Now get comfortable and I'll start."
"Okay."
"Okay. Once upon a time—"
"Grandpa!"
"I'm sorry! I can't help it. A lifetime of storytelling is asserting itself!"
"Okay fine whatever. Just start the story."
"I thought you said it was real life, not a story?"
"Right. Start the real life story."
"Okay, once upon a time, a long time ago, I killed a man. But in order to understand why, we must go back in time a bit more to the day I met a woman."
"Did you kiss this lady?"
"As a matter of fact yes, how did you know?"
"Can we skip the love and go straight to—"
"No no. If you want to hear the story of how I killed a man, you have to suffer through the tale of how I kissed a woman."
"Fine. Whatever."
"Can I carry on now?"
"Yes. Carry on."
There's always a catch :)
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