Mariam Takes Out The Trash

Mariam's wedding had been an unparalleled success up until that moment, everyone agreed. The flowers were perfect. The dress was beautiful. The seating arrangements had appeased everyone present. The ceremony had been without fault. Even the reception had gone as planned: the cake was cut, the first dance was danced, and everything looked like it was going to end without a single slip in the gears of this well-oiled wedding.

But there was a hitch. A very suspicious one, with all the fingerprints of an intentional and shrewd designer.

There were two hundred people milling about at the reception. What were the chances that Mariam’s mother-in-law and her step-mother-in-law would come across each other, both completely unaccompanied? What were the chances that her step-mother-in-law, obsessive compulsive and quite unable to contain herself, would brush the cake crumbs from her mother-in-law's blouse, who of course took great offense?

Though unlikely, that is exactly how it happened.

Words were exchanged, old wounds were prodded, and decade-old disagreements were remembered. Current husbands intervened, which could have put out the fire, but it only served to start new flames. The two men ended up going at each other as well, hollering about what may have been meant five years ago when one had shown up five minutes late to the other's son's birthday party. Uncles and second cousins were soon involved.

Before five minutes had passed, three punches were thrown, a large piece of cake was stuffed into the mother-in-law's dress, and someone was screaming about a challenge to a duel. The cries of "my best dress!" and "pistols at dawn!" were soon drowned out by the wailing of police sirens outside.

Mariam stood by the phone, a slim smile on her face. When asked about this by cousin Sally, she responded, "It's lovely when everything goes as planned, isn't it?"

The other guests all agreed that the only thing stranger than the sudden outburst of violence had been Mariam's expression of serene satisfaction as so many long-quarreling relatives were led away in handcuffs.